Step Up to the Plate

My son Blake played little league this spring; his first year in the minors which is kid-pitch instead of machine-pitch or coach-pitch. Things can get a little wild at times with 8 to 11-year olds winging the ball at the plate with the ambition of a big-leaguer but the accuracy of a blindfolded Isaac Newton. His at-bat season started strong with several 2-baggers and a home run. But as the games clicked on, his hitting clicked off. He agonized every time it was his turn to bat. Positive encouragement didn’t help. Extra batting practice and private coaching didn’t help. Neither did the new $100 bat. 

I finally asked him what he thought the problem was. He looked at me with that endearing10-year-old “duh, Mom…how could you not get this?” face.  “I’m afraid of the stupid ball, Mom. I don’t want to get hit!”

So there I was; needing to explain to him that sometimes worrying we are going to feel pain is worse than the actual pain itself. I mustered all my coaching tools, put on my best empathetic-mom face, looked him deep in the eye and delivered, “Blake, this is baseball. If you want to win the game, you have to step in close to the plate and swing. Be assured, at some point you WILL get hit with the ball. It’ll probably hurt for a few minutes. You might even cry. But once you get hit you’ll know what it feels like and you will live to tell about it. The next time you come to the plate, you’ll remember that you survived your last at-bat, and you’ll feel relieved and brave at the same time. Now, you decide if you’re ready to take the risk and step closer to the plate, maybe hit the ball out of the park and be a hero, or if you’d rather keep playing the what-if game in your head and never know how good it feels to break through the fear.”

Something must have clicked. At the next game he walked confidently into the box, glared at the pitcher, and swung hard one…two…three times. Crap. He looked at me and shrugged. Fortunately, he stepped into the box the next time with the same bravado and hit a whopping double that won the game. “I just quit worrying about getting hurt and played with everything I had.  It felt good!” He was ecstatic.  Score one for coach mom.

A couple of days later I met with a client who was paralyzed with fear that if he made the wrong decision about a possible life-changing situation he would suffer unbearable pain. Conversely, he could absolutely taste the freedom he so badly yearned for. He just couldn’t get past the fear that he might feel worse before he felt better. He was in agony.

Out of the blue, I was repeating my words. “John, life is like the game of baseball. If you want to win the game, you have to step up to the plate and swing. You ARE going to get hurt at some point, but you will survive….”

What game are you playing? I urge to you take the bat, step up to the plate and swing at whatever life has to throw at you. What do you have to lose? You might get hurt, but there’s no other way to improve your average.

Play ball!

Can Peace Be That Simple?

Seventeen years together – fifteen of them married; and not one fight. Impossible, you say? It’s true. There have been no harsh words, no fits of anger, no slamming doors or throwing dishes. No going home to mother, no silent treatment and no paybacks. Not once. Truly. Sounds like a marriage-made-in-heaven, doesn’t it?  Well, guess what…it is. My husband is the nicest man I’ve ever met and we’re highly compatible. It works great.

 So, when does the shoe drop? There has to be something! Okay – I’ll admit it.  We don’t agree on everything. However, we just don’t feel the need to convince the other that our own way is The Right Way. Can peace be that simple?  Obviously, yes.

I read a blog post  from a good friend and mentor of mine, Pam Slim. Her post focused mostly on sales and marketing programs, and described how uncomfortable it felt to be approached by a group selling a health and mental wellness regimen as The Way instead of A Way to get healthy. The approach left her with a strange and “off” feeling.

Pam’s blog post inspired the life skills lesson I recently taught my son’s 4^th grade class.  I asked a student to come to the board and show us the way to illustrate how three multiplied by six equals eighteen.  She took the marker and penned: 3×6=18.  I asked another to show us the way to tie his shoes; he did.  One student described the way to drink a soda, and yet another described the way to make a PB&J sandwich. All were correct. When I asked if any student could show us a different way to illustrate the equation, tie the shoes, describe drinking the soda and make a PB&J sandwich, four different students obliged with four different methods.  All were correct.

My challenge to them was to show me “The Way” to perform the task. Since both answers were correct, how could either be “The Way”? We concluded that each challenge had been answered with “A Way”.

 Although there may actually be only one way to do certain things, (none which come to mind right now), when we speak in terms of The Way, it often represents our ego state as in My Way or Our Way. “If you are a Republican, this is The Way you think” (Our Way). “If you are a Christian/Jew/Budhist/ Hindu etc., this is The Way to get to heaven” (Our Way). Hitler based his master-race on The Way people should look; blue-eyed and light-haired (His Way).

 My clients often come to me with frustrating scenarios involving other people, telling me things like the other person “just doesn’t act The Way he’s supposed to!” They are convinced that their way is The Way to do something, think about something, or feel about something and they can’t figure out why everybody else doesn’t know it. I remind them of these things:

1.  Everyone has a brain and an ego, so everybody has a My Way. You didn’t corner the market on it. The fact that we all have a My Way is proof that each My Way is actually just A Way. Diversity at it’s best.
2. You don’t have any control over anybody else’s My Way. You might think you do, but your thoughts are yours alone, and so are theirs.
3. Fighting over an idea that is merely a thought or belief you may or may not share with others still does not absolutely prove that Your Way is The Way. It just proves that you are not willing to let go of a thought long enough to take a look at another way.

 The Way versus A Way is where arguments start, lines are drawn, religions are conceived and wars perpetuate.

 So, what are your options if you want to feel less frustrated? Before you open your mouth and fire-off a round or twenty:

1.  Take a look at your thought or belief. Ask yourself if it is absolutely the only way to think, feel or act, or if in fact there are different ways others could interpret it.
2. Ask yourself why it’s so important to you that others see it Your Way. Do you have a hidden agenda?  Are you trying to prove your intelligence, establish control, or demonstrate your power? Or maybe you’re afraid that others will see you as weak or having failed if you don’t stand up for Your Way?
3. Examine it even deeper and determine if the thought or belief is something you actually believe or if it’s just something you’ve been programmed to believe through outside sources. Sometimes we defend our beliefs just because we’ve been taught to, or because that’s the way we’ve always done it before.

 What do you do with all this newfound information? Relax. Breathe. Allow yourself to be human. Be open to the possibility that just because you disagree, it doesn’t mean you’re wrong – or that anybody else is either. Then marvel at the growth you’ve just experienced, and the simplicity of peace.

Personal Economic Forecast: Richer than Ever!

Personal Economic Forecast:  Richer than Ever

 A mortgage-broker friend called me today, despairingly.  “I know you don’t read the newspapers or watch TV or anything, but did you hear what’s happening out there?!”  My first thoughts were “Something’s on fire?  George Clooney is getting married?  They’re going to stop making orange juice?”  Remembering her livelihood is deeply entrenched in the state of today’s economic forecast, I simply answered “No.  What’s happening?” 

I don’t read the newspaper (with the exception of my daily horoscope, weather and the sports page).  I don’t watch the local news, CNN or FOX.  I don’t look at my stocks or my retirement fund.  I don’t know the current value of our home right now or the price of gas until I pull my car up to the pump.  I do use coupons at the grocery story, but then again; I always have. (Hey – I’m all about free money!) 

Apparently, my outlook and attitude are driving my friends crazy.  They don’t understand me and downright implore “Why isn’t this poor economy thing affecting you?  Why aren’t you running around gathering acorns and covering your head like everybody else?”   It’s simple.  I am not Chicken Little, and the sky is not falling. 

I thought the sky was falling a couple of years ago.  I was working like a mad-woman at a highly stressful 10-hour-a-day-job that I absolutely hated, all the while being a wife and mother, running a home business with over 100 clients, helping care for my dying father- in-law, and trying to maintain a household, a social life, and a healthy body.  My day-job paid very well, offered great benefits, a retirement plan, healthcare; the whole ball of wax.  The economy was booming and I was trying desperately to keep up with its run-away-train pace and my self-induced obligations.  Sharp slivers of sky were falling, piercing my heart and brain every day; yet I continued like a rabid gerbil on a flaming wire wheel.  Finally, the slivers became sharp enough to grab my attention and I figured out that a smoldering rodent would never be able to catch a speeding locomotive.  Enough was enough.  I left the corporate world cold-turkey, gave up my home business and pursued a career as a life coach; the work I knew I was meant to do.  This, of course, immediately ended the consistent money flow and benefits.  It was a major change in my personal economy.    

It was also a major positive change in my quality of life.  Our house became more than a place to sleep.  I actually began to see my kids as people, not just bodies in car seats being toted from one “must do” event to another.  My husband had interesting things to say now that I was listening.  Most of all, I allowed myself to be the great person I really am.  My sky miraculously returned to blue and sunny. 

Yes, my economy changed a couple of years ago, but by choice.  Quitting my high-paying, benefit-full job meant there would be a lot less “things” in my family’s lives for a while, and it was a difficult decision to make.  Yet I knew if I kept up the high-speed pace just to sustain the flow of “things” into our lives, I would most certainly lose me before the end of the race; a price I was not willing to pay.

Do I have less money now?  YOU BETCHA!!!  It’s truly a temporary state as I become more financially successful every day.  My future looks great because I took a risk and invested well in my “take-stock” fund.  I’ve made huge deposits of self-love and emotional wellness that I will draw on for the rest of my life; something that can never be foreclosed on or be left uninsured.  My friends don’t realize how rich I really am. 

I invite you to take your inventory.  If it feels like the sky is falling, it just may be time to change your personal forecast.  If anything is “worth it”, you are.

 

Satisfaction Guaranteed

If there are no guarantees in life, how then can McDonald’s guarantee, ”Your food will be hot. Your service will be fast and friendly. And your drive-thru orders will be double-checked right. If you’re not satisfied, we’ll make it right. Or your next meal is on us. Guaranteed”.  Dominos Pizza guarantees delivery in 30-minutes or it’s free.  Many companies back their products and services with the phrase “satisfaction guaranteed.”

 

I think a guarantee should come with your birth certificate.  Wouldn’t it be great if every baby left the hospital with a document attached to their birth certificate – a 100% guarantee for success and joy for their entire life?  It would be signed by the Universe on the bottom, and every parent would witness it with their signature, holding the Universe to its commitment.  As each child grew, their world would be filled with truth and hope and love.  If they experienced pain or sorrow, a simple call to the Universe to demand restitution would be made.  The Universe would take the pain or sorrow and rework it into something that felt much better, and that new better thing would replace the bad-feeling time in their life.  There would be no personal turmoil or suffering, and if there were, the Universe would quickly turn it around and replace it with better feeling thoughts and emotions.  As the children grew to adulthood, conflicts would be avoided, self esteem would sky rocket, careers and marriages would flourish, and love would simply abound.  Since everyone would be personally guaranteed success and joy, there would be no need for fighting and war.  There would be no competition.  Everyone would already have what they wanted or be assured that it was on the horizon – guaranteed. 

 

Wow. Think about that.  No more pain and suffering.  No more worrying about the future, or debt, or illness.  Just consistent joy from the day you are born until the day you leave the earth.  Every delicious bite of life would be as satisfying as the last.  The concept is nearly inconceivable – yet so inviting it makes me salivate just imagining it.

 

Funny thing is, the more I familiarize myself with the universal law – or the Law of Attraction – the more I have come to understand that life actually does come with a guarantee.  The Law of Attraction promises “that which is like unto itself is drawn.”  Inasmuch, I’ve come to understand that the uncomfortable thoughts and feelings wrought with self doubt and self destruction have led to the very negative situations one experiences.  The Universe just answers orders with its guarantee.  When the order is made negatively through thoughts and actions – it guarantees negativity in return.  When pain and suffering are ordered unto oneself through self doubt or low self-esteem, one is guaranteed to receive it back in full.  When fear and worry take hold and consume thoughts and actions, the things feared and worried about the most are served up just as quickly as a stack of flapjacks at the local IHOP – piping hot and complete with a buttered “meltdown”. 

 

There is no spite or favoritism in the process.  Every order is just filled as requested.  We all notice that good things happen to good people, the rich get richer and the poor get poorer, trouble seems to follow troubled people, and some people just can’t seem to get a break.  We’ve seen highly educated people with low self esteem end up flipping burgers and high school drop-outs with great ideas and winning attitudes succeed beyond their wildest dreams.  I, for one, used to be amazed at these occurrences and wondered how they could happen. 

 

The truth of the matter is we each write our own life’s guarantees every minute of every day, asleep and awake.  We get exactly what we order – guaranteed.  That being so, I’ll be ordering off a different menu from now on.

 

“Waiter, please bring me a huge portion of happiness sprinkled with love and laughter.  I’d also like a large helping of health and prosperity, a side of fulfillment, and your biggest slice of inner-peace and joy for desert.  And don’t forget the hot fudge!”

My Mind Movie – A Moving Vision Board

Spinning Questions

My sister sent me one of those “This is funny….” emails today that was forwarded to her from a bazillion other people who kept forwarding it on to the next victim until it finally landed on my computer and took me 5 minutes to open.  It was humorous, and I must say, thought provoking.  It basically consisted of a bunch of thoughts and questions that really don’t make sense, like “why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?” and “why doesn’t glue stick to the bottle?”  I kept reading and chuckling until I got down to the question “why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?”  I stared at the question as my mind stopped laughing and catapulted into another direction.  Are there really 4 billion stars?  Who counted them?  Do they get recounted every day?  What about the ones that burn out?  Are they automatically replaced with new ones to keep the count at 4 billion?  It probably doesn’t matter – there seems to be plenty of stars up there (I hear about 4 billion!!). And what about the wet paint?  The sign says “wet paint” so we touch to make sure…maybe thinking the sign was put up hours – even days ago and somebody needs to check the sign’s validity.  Maybe we just want to prove the sign is wrong and we, of course, are right – making us evermore powerful than the sign and the people who posted it.  Maybe we like touching wet paint so we can look at our fingers in amazement, totally shocked that there is actually paint on our hands while simultaneously asking ourselves “what possessed me to do such a stupid thing – because I surely can read?!”  This would definitely affect our lives as we walked around with our fingers in the air trying to find a napkin or cloth or random bottle of mineral spirits sitting under a tree.  (This is also usually the time our nose starts running and our other hand is precariously carrying the baby or a leaking coffee cup.) The question became “why are we so satisfied to believe what people say when the subject doesn’t directly affect our lives, yet we don’t believe what they say when it does?”   Why are we so ready to believe everything we read about all the seemingly troubled actors and athletes who are hounded relentlessly by the press that feed us these “facts”, yet we can’t seem to attend to the messes we ourselves make on a daily basis?  We’re drawn to this media hype much like our hands are drawn to wet paint – both out of totally curiosity – not willing to “not go” to either place. So what if things were different?  What if tomorrow the news headlines were “All Athletes and Actors are Proven to Lead Completely Normal Lives…Including Britney” and the sign said “Dry Paint”.   Would you believe it?  More later….